Why Did My Ex Come Back And Leave Again? - Magnet of Success (2023)

When your ex comes back and leaves again, there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for your ex’s departure. And that explanation is that your ex couldn’t resolve old issues and develop new thinking and behavioral patterns. He or she just couldn’t (or didn’t want to) disassociate old problems from your persona and start anew, which is why your ex continued to doubt your worth as his or her romantic partner and detached.

Eventually, your ex lost all romantic feelings, got tired of staying in an unfulfilling/emotionally draining relationship, and felt that the best thing to do was to self-prioritize and be on his or her own again. Bad thoughts and feelings essentially overweighed the good, so your ex left despite coming back and promising/thinking things would be different.

All in all, we could say that your ex lacked the determination to work on the relationship with you. Instead of discussing old and new issues with you and putting his or her best foot forward your ex went on autopilot and assumed the relationship would fix itself and get stronger. But in reality, it got weaker and continued to get weaker until your ex stopped loving you and staying committed to you and decided you weren’t his or her ideal partner.

That’s when your ex left again and made you go through another breakup.

So if your ex came back and left again, know that it wasn’t your fault. The problem was that your ex expected old issues to magically disappear when those issues needed more work than ever before.

They needed reassurance that you were both more self-aware and willing to overcome any problems you encountered together as a couple as well as individuals and that you truly loved each other and knew what you needed to work on.

But because you merely resumed the relationship from where you left off, you couldn’t deal with problems in new/healthy ways. You probably both responded to them similarly as before and put a strain on the relationship. I’m not necessarily saying your problems were arguments, but that there were issues you neglected and that those issues slowly and silently plagued the relationship.

There could have been issues such as:

  • poor commitment and maturity
  • unhealthy relationship mentality
  • a lack of communication, gratitude, and desire to grow together and individually
  • trust issues/childhood issues, personal shortcomings
  • an inability to express emotions or concerns
  • an unwillingness to leave the past behind

These problems couldn’t improve without self-awareness and a lot of hard work, so they only got worse with time. That’s because people who get back together need to understand their partner’s importance and redevelop their commitment to their partner. If they don’t think fondly of their partner, they usually come back for the wrong reasons and leave again.

(Video) The 1 And ONLY Reason Why Exes Come Back

They just don’t have what it takes to make a broken relationship work after they’ve lost feelings and hope.

I want you to understand that many exes come back and leave again. Some leave months later, but most leave after a week or two. I’d say two weeks into the new relationship is when dumpers who come back for selfish purposes or those who aren’t ready for a serious commitment usually leave.

This is because they go through a quick infatuation phase with their partner and run out of emotional reasons to persevere and stay committed. In other words, they realize that love isn’t there anymore and that they must distance themselves from their partner and seek happiness elsewhere.

In this article, we’ll answer the question, “Why did my ex come back and leave again?” We’ll talk about the reasons why dumpers leave and give you some advice on what to do when a person leaves twice or thrice.

Why Did My Ex Come Back And Leave Again? - Magnet of Success (1)

Why did my ex come back and leave again?

I know I said it’s not your fault your ex left after coming back, but if you said or did something self-degrading, you may have contributed to the breakup (not forced it). Many people (especially guys) don’t understand and respect romantic partners who are anxious, insecure, and in pain.

They consider their behavior to be clingy, needy, and controlling, so they get overwhelmed and associate negative emotions with them. They get hurt, so they leave when the pain becomes intolerable for them.

The same is true for your ex. If the guy or woman perceived you the same as before the previous breakup or if you were visibly anxious and afraid of getting dumped again, it’s possible that you gave your ex too much power and appeared weak for him or her.

Your lack of assertiveness may have given your ex a chance to control the relationship and prevented him or her from feeling the need or desire to invest in it. Why would your ex invest emotions and time when you’re at your ex’s mercy and don’t require your ex to invest, right?

(Video) 6 Stages Of A Rebound Relationship For The Dumper

Well, some people know they need to respect their partner even if their partner is scared, anxious, depressed, and doesn’t respect himself or herself. They know their partner is going through a difficult time and that their partner’s self-esteem shouldn’t determine how they think of their partner and treat him or her.

But, unfortunately, many people aren’t that understanding. Many people can’t put themselves in their partner’s shoes, so they take advantage of their partner by hogging all the power. By doing so, they make important decisions by themselves and lose interest in the relationship when they lose respect for their partner.

I’m telling you this so you know that if you chased your ex after the reconciliation and bent over backwards for him or her that it may not have been very helpful. Your ex probably liked it at first, but because you didn’t stand up for yourself, your ex stopped seeing you as an equal.

This made your ex detach—and you know the rest.

Another possible reason why your ex came back and left again is that your ex came back for selfish purposes. If he or she came back because of anxiety, guilt, jealousy, sex, boredom, or anything other than love, your ex came back for himself/herself rather than you.

And when your ex got what he or she needed from you, your ex left to continue to self-prioritize.

Here are some possible reasons why your ex left after coming back.

Why Did My Ex Come Back And Leave Again? - Magnet of Success (2)

Don’t blame yourself!

Look, even if you didn’t love yourself and tell your ex what you expected from him or her after getting back together, your ex should have tried to understand how you felt and why you felt that way. Your ex should have valued you whether you felt confident in your skin or not.

(Video) 14 Rules for Being a MAGNET in Love & in Business

That’s what partners who love each other do. They don’t measure each other’s worth based on how self-assured they are and how many people of the preferred gender find them attractive.

Only people who haven’t grown up do that. They think their partner’s value is determined by how attractive their partner is, how much money their partner earns, what kind of people their partner hangs out with, and how easy it is for their partner to find someone else.

Such things are by definition superficial. If their partner loses a job, gets his or her skin damaged, or gets kicked out of a popular group, their partner’s value in their eyes plummets significantly. That’s because they can no longer benefit from their partner in ways that are the most important to them and fail to appreciate the things that make their partner the person he or she is.

So if you picked up some trust issues and fears and weren’t the most confident and secure person after the reconciliation, don’t blame yourself too much. Your ex should have been more understanding of the trust he or she had broken because trust takes months to repair. The dumper needs to be patient and wait as long as it takes, even if it takes years for the dumpee to process the past and lower his or her guard.

But if you didn’t have difficulty trusting your ex and expressing things to your ex, then you’re even less responsible for the breakup. You can’t take the blame because your ex probably came back to gain things from you and didn’t want to improve relationship standards and old habits.

Your ex likely just came back because he or she felt a bit nostalgic and wanted to know what you think and feel.

Whatever the case may be, a person who comes back and leaves again probably doesn’t deserve another chance. It’s up to you to decide, of course, but if your ex comes back after leaving you twice, the chances of the relationship working out are not very big.

2 breakups significantly decrease the dumper’s commitment to the relationship and add a lot of uncertainty to it.

Be more careful next time

Every time your ex comes back, it’s much more unlikely that he or she will gather the determination to work things out with you. You should take extra caution because you don’t want another breakup that hurts you and makes you wonder if you mean anything to your ex.

(Video) Women Who Monkey Branch To A New Guy & Back

You want a relationship that lasts and makes you feel secure and important. And you can’t have that kind of relationship if your ex keeps taking you for granted and leaving you. You can have a relationship in which you can’t tell what your ex thinks and feels about you.

So decide how many breakups you’re willing to put up with. You’ve been broken up with twice now. It may be a good time to start detaching from your ex and planning a life without your ex. If you do that, you might realize that you shouldn’t have accepted your ex back last time and that you deserve more than your ex can offer.

You probably don’t want to hear this right now, but give it some thought a few months from now, and your perception of your ex will likely change. You won’t feel the way you do right now because eventually, you’ll start caring about yourself more than your ex and perhaps even meet someone better than your ex.

You don’t know what the future holds, but you don’t need to worry about that right now. The most important thing is that you focus on detaching from your ex and finding happiness within yourself. A time will come when you rationally and emotionally understand why your ex came back and left again and that a person who leaves you once (or twice) will likely leave again.

Did your ex come back and leave again? Did it make you feel used? Comment below the post.

And as always, if you want to talk to us about it privately, take a look at our coaching services.

Stay safe!

Related Posts:

  • Why Do Men Leave And Come Back?
  • Will My Ex Move On If I Leave Him Alone?
  • Will He Miss Me If I Leave Him Alone?
  • Why Did He Leave Me With No Explanation?


Why do exes come back and then leave? ›

Exes can come back for many reasons, but most of the time, it's because they have unresolved feelings or emotions from their past relationship. They might just be looking for a distraction from their current life.

How do you know if your ex is coming back spiritually? ›

15 Psychic Or Spiritual Signs Your Ex Misses You
  • You may dream of them. Save. ...
  • You might get hiccups. ...
  • You may smile (without realizing) ...
  • You may feel being touched. ...
  • You may sneeze randomly. ...
  • Your eyes may twitch. ...
  • You may experience mood swings. ...
  • You may feel the urge to meet them.
Dec 29, 2022

Why did my ex reach out then disappear? ›

The reason that your ex is reaching out to you and suddenly disappearing is because they are falling victim to this nostalgia principle where they momentarily want to re-live the best moments of the relationship. After they reach out though they start to second guess themselves.

Why do I have a strong feeling that my ex will come back? ›

Your ex might return for various reasons. For example, they could miss you, still feel in love, or want to work on the conflicts that ended your relationship. In other cases, they might feel lonely, don't want to take responsibility for their actions, or feel the breakup wasn't permanent.

Do exes ever get back together and stay together? ›

The results showed just 15% of people actually won their ex back, while 14% got back together just to break up again, and 70% never reconnected at all. But although it sounds like a small number, a few success stories showed how it is possible to work things out if you put the time and effort in.

Why do guys come back when you stop caring? ›

So when a guy starts caring after you stopped showing interest in him, he simply wants back the benefits he was used to getting in the relationship. He misses the love, affection, care, money, sex, or anything you've been providing and he wants them back.

How do you know if your ex wants you back but is scared? ›

One of the most obvious signs your ex wants you back but is scared is that she still talks to you. In some instances, if she were done with you, she wouldn't want anything else to do with you. On the other hand, if she is communicating with you, she doesn't want you out of her life.

How do you know if your ex isn't over you? ›

Signs to look out for:
  1. They're giving mixed signals.
  2. They blame you for the breakup.
  3. They're angry with you.
  4. They're keeping in touch with you.
  5. They flirt with you.
  6. They're bringing up memories.
  7. You still have some of their things.
  8. They're sabotaging you.
Jun 27, 2021

How can you tell if someone still has feelings for their ex? ›

They go out of their way to contact them. "If someone makes excuses to reach out or bump into their ex long after the relationship has ended it's likely that they are not over them," Cullins said. "They may be looking for closure or to reconnect, but in either case they are still drawn to their ex."

How do you know if your ex secretly wants you back? ›

20 Signs Your Ex Wants You Back
  • They Make Attempts To Stay In Touch. ...
  • They Keep You Updated. ...
  • They Get And Want To Make You Jealous. ...
  • They Pretend That They Need Your Help. ...
  • They Keep Bringing Up Your Memories Together. ...
  • They Tell You How Far They Have Come. ...
  • They Keep Checking With Mutual Friends About Your Well-being.
Dec 20, 2022

Is silence best after a breakup? ›

There is no easy way to deal with a breakup, but remaining silent actually speaks volumes to your ex. After all, actions speak louder than words! By staying silent, you're telling your ex that you're strong, resilient, and independent. You're relying on yourself — and no one else — for your own happiness.

How long does it usually take for an ex to reach out? ›

Without any prompting, expect to hear from your ex any time between 8 and 75 days. There is almost always the intent and desire to reach out to your ex.

Will feelings for ex go away? ›

“In many instances, people feel those love-like feelings for quite some time after a breakup. This can vary widely depending on the person, their circumstances and personal history. Some people may just need days or weeks whereas others may take months or years to move on from an ex.”

Can breaking up strengthen a relationship? ›

Although ending a relationship can be painful, a separation can give a couple space to work on personal issues that have been harming the relationship. 'It can help individuals reassess their priorities, helping them to know more about what they would like to get out of a relationship,' says Fredrickson.

How often does it work when exes get back together? ›

A study of 3,512 people found that only 15% got back together with their ex. Another 14% briefly reunited only to break up, and a whopping 70% called it quits for good after their break-up.

How long do rebound relationships last? ›

“Rebound relationships typically last between one month and a year, and commonly struggle to last past the initial infatuation period. They are often not based on deep compatibility, so differences can start to strain the connection,” says Stein.

How do you know if a guy still cares? ›

One sign he cares deeply about you is if he listens to you when you're talking. Listening without playing on his phone or interrupting you are both signs that he's taken a genuine interest in your life and wants to get to know and understand you.

What makes a man keep coming back? ›

He may be giving you mixed signals because he's afraid of commitment or he doesn't know what he wants. It's possible that he's using you, either for sex, validation, or attention. If he's your ex, he may be trying to win you back. He could be toxic, controlling, or playing games with your feelings.

What is he thinking after 2 weeks of no contact? ›

He could feel angry or upset. He might think you're being rude or fake, and may even try to confront you about it or get a rebound girlfriend in response. Anger usually gives way to remorse after a few days or weeks and is a normal response to breakups or the silent treatment.

How do I know if my ex is suffering? ›

21 Signs Your Ex Is Miserable
  1. He's working A LOT. ...
  2. He stopped working. ...
  3. Her weight changed noticeably. ...
  4. He talks about being miserable without you. ...
  5. Intoxication equals contacting you. ...
  6. He makes sure you know he has a new girlfriend. ...
  7. She goes from fling to fling. ...
  8. He's spiraling into alcohol or drug abuse.
May 19, 2022

How do you know if your ex misses you psychology? ›

If they are an emotional bottler, then their feelings may be hurt and they are still limping from the breakup. If your ex hasn't been spotted with anyone new, and mutual friends say there hasn't been any interest in seeking out new partners, chances are your ex is still thinking about you.

What not to do when your ex wants you back? ›

Don't rush into a response, friendship, or rebound.

No matter how you decide to approach the contact that's been made, don't rush things. You may very well end up back with this person, or at the very least good friends with them depending on how things go.

How do you know if your ex regrets breaking up? ›

Here are some of the signs your ex regrets dumping you.
  • They begin to communicate with you.
  • They apologize for the breakup.
  • They show more affection.
  • They discuss issues in their present relationship.
  • They try to atone for past mistakes.
  • They show pessimism when you tell them someone else is involved.
  • They stalk you.
Jul 8, 2022

How do you know if a guy is heartbroken? ›

If he avoids seeing you at all costs even though it is important, it is one of the signs he is heartbroken over you. He knows that when he sees you, the memories will come flooding, and it might be too much for him to handle. Also, he would ensure avoiding places where you are likely to show up.

How do you know if your ex misses you without talking? ›

One simple way to know that he misses you during the no contact phase is that you feel it within you. It could come as a sudden thought about them, the longing to reconnect, or just wishful thinking about how things could have turned out differently.

How do you tell if my ex is hiding his true feelings? ›

What Are The Signs That a Guy Is Hiding His True Feelings From You? 13 Telltale Clues
  1. He notices things you don't expect anyone to notice. ...
  2. He remembers everything you say. ...
  3. His body language shows evident interest when he's around you. ...
  4. He's stepping up his hero game. ...
  5. He goes out of his way to be there for you.
Oct 25, 2022

How do you know if it's really over after a break up? ›

While there's no surefire way to determine when you've finally recovered from the breakup, you'll probably notice a few of the following signs: You can think back to the good times you had together without pain. You no longer avoid shared activities or favorite restaurants.

Who feels more after a breakup? ›

Despite the age-old stereotype that men are less emotionally invested in relationships than women, a new study has found that men are in fact more likely to experience more emotional pain than women following a breakup.

How long should no contact with ex last? ›

The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.

How to make your ex miss you? ›

How To Make Your Ex Miss You After A Breakup
  1. Do Not Try To Contact Them. ...
  2. Do Not Receive Their Calls And Respond To Their Texts. ...
  3. Reinvent Yourself. ...
  4. Meet New People And Make New Friends. ...
  5. Talk To Their Friends. ...
  6. Check Out The Outside Dating World. ...
  7. Take A Vacation. ...
  8. Be Active On Social Media.
Dec 13, 2022

How many weeks does it take for an ex to come back? ›

We conducted a study on people who get their ex back and keep them and we found that most people who get their ex back and stay with their ex, took at least one month to get back together. In most cases, people reconciled within 1-6 months of breaking up.

Will an ex eventually regret leaving? ›

The good news is that regret after a breakup is completely normal. Often when faced with an emotional situation like a breakup human beings have this tendency to romanticize the past.

How do you let go of someone who doesnt want to be with you? ›

How to let go of someone
  1. Recognize when it's time. Learning when it's time to let go is often the most difficult part of this process. ...
  2. Identify limiting beliefs. ...
  3. Change your story. ...
  4. Stop the blame game. ...
  5. Embrace the “F” word. ...
  6. Master your emotions. ...
  7. Practice empathy. ...
  8. Adopt an attitude of gratitude.

How long does it take for ex to regret? ›

The answer is different for everyone, but many men will experience a pang of regret within about a month to six weeks after breaking up with you. Dumper's remorse, as I call it, is very real. It happens to pretty much everyone who ever dumps a person.

How do you know if someone misses you spiritually? ›

One of the top spiritual signs he misses you is that you feel a deep sense of inner peace and love when you think of him. That's his spiritual energy reaching out and cradling you until the next time you can meet. He misses you and wants to warm you in his love while he's away.

How to know if the universe is telling you to be with someone? ›

One of the tell-tale signs that the universe wants to bring two people together is when they share things in common. Studies show we tend to be attracted to people who are similar to us. Pay attention to any similarities you share with someone – it could be a good indicator of whether you're compatible with them.

Which signs are most likely to go back to their ex? ›

  • 5 zodiac signs that are likely to give a second chance to their ex. Every one of us has committed an almost unpardonable act at some point in our lives. ...
  • Libra. Libras are strong proponents of forgiving others. ...
  • Cancer. Cancer has a difficult time saying goodbye once they become close to someone. ...
  • Virgo. ...
  • Pisces. ...
  • Gemini.
Nov 18, 2022

Why is my ex suddenly on my mind spiritually? ›

If your ex springs to mind suddenly and very unexpectedly without warning, this could even be a spiritual sign that they miss you and are thinking of you two. If your bond is still strong, you may be picking up on their energy.

Can someone feel it when you miss them? ›

Definitely, not all people but some people can sense it, especially empaths. An empath or someone you're in sync with can catch your vibrations easily and this can often clue them into what you are thinking or feeling.

How do you know if someone is connected to your soul? ›

9 Signs You Have A True Soul Connection With Your Beloved
  1. You Respect Each Other On Every Level. ...
  2. You Communicate From A Place Of Deep Endearment. ...
  3. Your Level Of Intuition Is High With Each Other. ...
  4. Your Love-Making Is Profoundly Deep. ...
  5. You Are Able to Be Physically Apart & Together. ...
  6. You See Beyond Just The Physical.

What are the signs of a twin flame? ›

There are a few signs psychologists say could point to a twin flame relationship:
  • sense that you're meeting yourself.
  • multiple similarities, sometimes uncanny.
  • deep connection.
  • desire to grow.
  • prioritization of growth over being in a relationship.
  • the meeting signifies a major change in your life.
Jul 7, 2021

How do you know if someone is manifesting U? ›

5 Signs Someone Is Manifesting You
  • A Sudden Change In Their Behavior. One of the most tell-tale signs someone is manifesting you is by a sudden change in how they behave. ...
  • A Change In Their Energy. Manifest With Ken. ...
  • You Feel Drawn To Them. ...
  • You See A Sign From The Universe. ...
  • You Receive A Vision.
Mar 1, 2021

How do you know if someone is meant for you spiritually? ›

You will feel safe and secure with that person, emotionally and physically. When you share a spiritual connection with someone, it calms you during situations where you feel threatened or disheartened. Such people help you overcome your anxiety, low self-esteem and other emotional issues.

What signs are not meant to be together? ›

  • Aries folks probably shouldn't get involved with a Pisces or a Cancer. ...
  • Tauruses and Leos might have a hard time. ...
  • Scorpio is probably one of the worst matches for Gemini. ...
  • Aquarius is a super tough match for Cancers. ...
  • Leos would struggle in a relationship with Capricorns. ...
  • Do not pair a Virgo with a Sagittarius.
Aug 26, 2022

Who gets over their ex faster? ›

The research indicates that men take longer time than women and struggle more to move on. In fact, the researchers observed that many male participants suffered from PRG (Post relationship Grief) at the time of the study even if they had parted ways more than a year ago.

At what point should you give up on your ex? ›

Your ex has not responded to your last five attempts to start a conversation. They've been with someone new for longer than 8 months. You've been on a “hard block” for longer than 3 months. You have broken the no contact rule more than 8 times.

Does my ex miss me even though we don't talk? ›

Yes, an ex misses you during No Contact. They miss you because they no longer have what they used to have. Your ex misses you even though you don't talk because they have time to adjust to your absence. This will help them reflect and miss you more.

What happens to your brain when you see your ex? ›

What happens to your brain when you see your ex? Love research supports the notion that it's psychologically intoxicating to reconnect with a former flame you still feel friendly toward; the brain lights up the same way a cocaine addict's does before a hit.


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